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Rumbling With Complexity

by CAW

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1.
Shadow King 03:19
Shadow King I’m a whore with a heart of gold Wrapped in something that is blue Protection comes in many forms Even from parts that are torn Then you came to me and said I am your Shadow King I am your saviour You followed me through cold and heat You followed me through those London streets You followed me along that sandy beach You followed me where I couldn’t be reach And when you caught up to me you said I am your Shadow King I am your saviour I am your liberty Embrace me (Angry) (Vengeful) Love me (Petty) (Snobbish) Protect me (Lazy) (Boring) Let me in (Scattered) (Fearful) And then you sat down with me and said I am your Shadow King I am your saviour I am your liberty You think I am crazy You think I am dangerous But I am your Shadow King I am your liberty
2.
Red Feeling 03:20
Red Feeling Here comes this red feeling From deep inside of me It wants to take me high And plunder all I see Should I give into temptation And the taste the ecstasy Reach out (With consent) To touch you Here comes this red feeling Envisioning your body I can only survive When I think of you Should I give into temptation And taste the ecstasy Reach out (With consent) To touch you Should I give into temptation And taste the ecstasy Reach out (With consent) To touch you To feel your sweat and slippery skin Rubbing up against mine Should I give into temptation And taste the ecstasy Reach out (With consent) To touch you Should I give into temptation And taste the ecstasy Reach out (With consent) To touch you
3.
No Going Back Had my plan worked I’d be a Londoner With a flat in Zone 1 And a British accent Had my other plan worked I’d be a father To two teenagers Who I love more than life There’s no going back There’s no going back You said to me There’s no going back There’s no going back The past is in the past The past is dead The past is in the past The past is dead And it’s hard to forget The time I gave my heart away To a pirate at sea Who nearly drowned me And it’s hard to forgive When you’re burned by love And the only excuse they gave Was it’s the road I pave There’s no going back There’s no going back You said to me There’s no going back There’s no going back The past is in the past The past is dead The past is in the past The past is dead The past is in the past The past is dead (Never going back, never going back) (Never going back, never going back) The past is in the past The past is dead (Never going, never never going back) The past is in the past The past is dead
4.
Black Boy Run Wake up I wake up I wake up to sunny skies And post racial lies I feel the heat and the fear Unconsciously clinching purses Crossing the street to avoid Paid to divide Retail smiles Black ads placed near Crime sections Black boy run As fast as you can Black boy run As far as you can Black boy run As fast as you can Black boy run As far as you can Passive aggressive tendencies Subtle micro aggressions  From city to city to shore to shore Broken white picket fences Black boy run As fast as you can Black boy run As far as you can Black boy run As fast as you can Black boy run As far as you can As far as you can As far as you can
5.
If Only 03:11
If Only If only I believed in myself Then my confidence would rise If only I knew how to restrain my anger Then I wouldn’t fear it If only I were more focus Then I wouldn’t make mistakes If only I didn’t have to be right Then my wrongs wouldn’t feel so wrong But that wouldn’t do Because there would always be Something else I’m craving for (Always) That wouldn’t do Because there would always be Something else I’m craving for If only I were just a little taller Then I would really be seen If only I were just a little shorter Then I would finally fit in If only I were more muscular Then I would be sexy If only I had symmetrical beauty Then the world would be mine But that wouldn’t do Because there would always be Something else I’m craving for That wouldn’t do Because there would always be Something else I’m craving for (Always) That wouldn’t do Because there would always be Something else I’m craving for Always Always
6.
Unspoken Expectation Be smart But not smarter than me Behave But don’t be boring All these unspoken expectations You put on me You put on us Be fit But not fitter than me Act young But don’t be immature All these unspoken expectations You put on me You say you love me as I am And not to change baby But every time you look at me It’s disappointment I see Be anything but me I see what you want You want to flee So I should set I should set I should set you free And all these unspoken expectations You put on me You put on us And all these unspoken expectations You put on me You put on us I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away I never wanted to be apart from you I never wanted to turn away
7.
Miscarriage of Friendship It’s been over a decade since we last talked A message here and there But nothing on the same level Of where we once were And this miscarriage of friendship So final and over of my control I see from the side lines That you’ve done well for yourself Just like I always knew you would Just thought I would be in the front row And this miscarriage of friendship So final and over of my control I think you had a kid And maybe got married too And this miscarriage of friendship So final and over of my control This miscarriage of friendship So final and over of my control
8.
Complicated Love This complicated love Is more than stars could ever bare If they cared And I know you’re gone from this plane I’m currently on without you My emotional glue This complicated love Wakes me up at night Feeling you near Then you disappear And I can’t help but think Perhaps I should have done More to fill the space Between us Complicated This complicated love Complicated This complicated love Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Those things I should’ve done Could’ve done Would have done Would have done Would have done
9.
Pimp’n Out Jesus My introduction to Jesus Christ was when my grandmother had me swear on the bible That my father hadn’t done something he shouldn’t have done Always doing something he shouldn’t have done Then I met Jesus once again Through this guy who thought he was a savior Serving up flavoraid For over 900 souls who needed saving Pimp’n out Jesus Pimp’n out Jesus For their own means, for their own means Pimp’n out Jesus They’re all pimp’n out Jesus For their own means, for their own means It’s the 90’s and I’m cruising down the highway Blasting one of my alt rock goddesses When this old lady with a Jesus Lord Bumper sticker cuts me off Only later to turn on the news And hear the sad blues of a young man Shot down by his father Because he wasn’t what Jesus would’ve approved of Pimp’n out Jesus Pimp’n out Jesus For their own means, for their own means Pimp’n out Jesus They’re all pimp’n out Jesus For their own means, for their own means Hate in the name of god Lie in the name of god Cut in the name of god Steal in the name of god Cheat in the name of god Judge in the name of god Rape in the name of god Kill in the name of god Decades later Church and state are more one And the masses are shoving big G’s son In those unholy cervices Capital hill is filled to the brim with some supposedly moral men Cheering husbands for pushing their wives Saying on her knees is her place Pimp’n out Jesus Pimp’n out Jesus For their own means, for their own means Pimp’n out Jesus They’re all pimp’n out Jesus For their own means, for their own means
10.
Love Once Here Original of wounds Spread out across timelines Black holes where suns would shine No peace surround “I’m fine” And there was love once here Now it’s just pain and fear There was love once here Now it’s just pain and fear From bed to bed to bed From love to love to love Tried to repair the damage Made by them and others And there was love once here Now it’s just pain and fear There was love once here Now it’s just pain and fear A-frame hugs Lot of shrugs Silent tears You’re not near Closed off roads Love that slows Hearts that cry Or just die Your face there In despair Words that chill And can kill Pack and go Just move slow Piece by piece We will cease And there was love once here Now it’s just pain and fear There was love once here Now it’s just pain and fear There was love once here Now it’s just pain and fear
11.
Sincerely Your Parent There are days when I think about The childhood that I had And how it molded me Molded you Cruelty reigned supreme And those people that were suppose to protect me Weren’t there This is not just an apology But a statement of fact As well This is not just an apology But a statement of fact As well Sometimes I wonder if I could’ve been A better parent to you A better person Supporting you I let my baggage dictate my reactions and actions I broke your heart I let you down This is not just an apology But a statement of fact As well This is not just an apology But a statement of fact As well Then you’d say Then you’d say Then you’d say Then you’d say I couldn’t stand how I behave with you (When I’m gone) I only followed traditions that I knew (Know that) I did a million things wrong, yes it’s true (I tried) But know I always loved you through and through (And failed) I couldn’t stand how I behave with you (Sometimes) I only what was best for you (But I) I did a million things wrong, yes it’s true (Know I tried) But know I always loved you through and through Sincerely Your parent Sincerely Your parent
12.
My Great Big Wall Don’t fault me for how I deal with you Just some old programming I learned From a who tried to love While keeping people at bay My great big Great big wall My great big Great big wall If your love for me is real And if you even want to deal with my My great big Great big wall And break through my wall And tear down my wall Break through my wall And tear down my wall Break through my wall And tear down my wall
13.
Flowers for the Queen Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen It’s Monday or Friday Tuesday or Thursday The days have no meaning Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen In this motherless land Darkness descending No torches or light beams Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen Hiding my own heart It’s blue like the rain On a cloudy day Searching for answers to questions That you will never be never be Answered now Searching for answers to questions That you will never be never be Answered now Spinning around in my head Crashing into conversations With no resolution Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen With words of wisdom And ribbons of whispers Cheap things burn fast you said Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen From giant and protector To wizard and mother To child dependent Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen Flowers for the queen
14.
Back To You 02:20
Back To You And I’m trying to find my way back you And I’m trying to find my way back you And I’m trying to find my way back you And I’m trying to find my way back you But for now I’m siloed By the pain Of hurt But for now I’m siloed

credits

released December 1, 2023

All songs written by Craig A. Wingate
Arranged by Craig A. Wingate and Francis Gorini
Produced at London Mixing Studio
www.londonmixingstudio.co.uk

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CAW San Francisco, California

Craig Austin Wingate, known professionally as CAW, is an independent American singer-songwriter. CAW’s connection to music began at age five when he was introduced to the piano. CAW’s musical style has been heavily influenced by artists such as Tori Amos and Depeche Mode, which can be heard in his debut album Strangers, an alternative rock album that focuses on CAW’s romantic relationships. ... more

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